55. The Formula for Perfect Marriage After Kids with Relationship Coach Ken Blackman
I wanted a formula for a better marriage. Ken Blackman basically told me that was the problem.
After more than 10 years of coaching Serenity and me through our marriage, business, and parenting, including many very real breakdowns, Ken has seen the pattern clearly: I keep trying to replace presence with scripts.
If your relationship has felt different since having kids — harder to connect, easier to drift — this episode is for you. We get into why the old ways of showing up stop working after fatherhood, why trying to be the "good husband" or "good dad" can still leave you emotionally checked out, and why your partner is probably not the actual problem.
Ken also helped me tell the truth about something I hadn't talked about publicly before: the years I spent addictively numbing out when marriage, fatherhood, and business felt like too much all at once — and how close that took us to the edge.
What I realized is that when I say yes just to prove I am a good dad, I am not being generous. I am abandoning myself. And eventually that energy shows up in my marriage, my parenting, and the way I move through my home.
If you are a dad who gives everything and still feels like it is never enough, this one is for you.
Inside this episode:
Why the perfect marriage formula does not exist
How fatherhood changes the emotional connection with your partner
Why resentment builds when dads say yes without owning the choice
How to stop numbing and start feeling again
Why your partner is probably not the problem
How to co-create a relationship that gets better over time, not worse
Resources mentioned
Read Ken’s blog: https://kenblackman.medium.com/
Brené Brown: https://brenebrown.com/
Esther Perel https://www.estherperel.com/
Other episodes that might interest you:
Watch the Full Episode
Joe Carr is an entrepreneur, advocate, and passionate educator on fatherhood and partnership. Driven by a desire to provide high-quality, nutrient-dense baby food for his daughter Della, Joe and his wife founded Serenity Kids baby food brand after experiencing their own health transformations through clean eating. Now, alongside his work in revolutionizing baby nutrition, Joe is on a mission to help new dads navigate the transformational journey of fatherhood. Through his podcast and social media platform Dadicated Joe, he shares real, honest conversations about showing up for your children, supporting your partner, and embracing the identity shift that comes with becoming a dad.
👉 Get 15% off your first Serenity Kids order with code: DADICATED15 https://myserenitykids.com/
About Ken Blackman
Ken Blackman has coached couples for over twenty-five years, and developed his own methodology that has them more aligned yet more fully themselves—what he calls Sovereignty in Connection. He names the structural problem under the surface fight, integrates sexuality into the conversation instead of referring it out, and treats relationship as a craft. His work has garnered mentions in Business Insider, Playboy, Tim Ferriss's 4-Hour books, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
No children. I'm coming on in my capacity as Joe and Serenity's relationship coach rather than a parent myself, so we'll be highlighting the value of having support as a couple and as parents.
