53. The Science of Motivating Kids, Managing Tantrums with Jenna Mazzillo
Parents spend a lot of time trying to get their kids to change their behavior. I know I struggle a ton with how to do this in a way that teaches her long-term skills, and doesn’t just manipulate her into bending to my will in the short run. The heavily researched science of "behavioral psychology” has the answer! Put simply, humans DO things because they WANT something.
I discovered that some of my strategies were actually rewarding the wrong behavior. Like I noticed my daughter Della will clean up a mess for my wife with no problem, but with me it can turn into a whole thing. And that made me wonder if the behavior keeps happening because, without meaning to, I'm giving it more attention than I realized.
Jenna Mazzillo is a board-certified behavior analyst, mom of two, and the creator behind ABA Naturally. She brings real behavior science to a challenge I face constantly: how do we help our kids listen, cooperate, regulate, and learn without yelling, bribing, coddling, or sending them away? Plus the science also applies to how we motivate ourselves, our partners, or other adults!
What surprised me most in this conversation is that the problem often isn't what we do during a tantrum or moment of defiance — it's everything we do before it. Jenna breaks down why proactive connection, not in-the-moment reaction, is what actually changes behavior over time. And how to help us remember the goal isn’t just to change a certain behavior. It's to teach a better skill.
If you're a dad trying to stay connected while also holding the line, this one will hit home. It's for parents who want less reactivity, more confidence, and a clearer way to handle challenging behavior without swinging too harsh or too soft.
Inside this episode:
Why kids might repeat behavior that gets negative attention
How punishment may stop behavior but never teach a skill
Why over-validating can keep kids stuck in the loop
How 10 minutes of proactive connection helps you hold boundaries with less guilt
What behavior science teaches us about tantrums and motivation
How to help kids listen without yelling, bribing, or disconnecting
If this episode hit close to home, listen next:
Why We Don’t Punish or Reward Our Daughter (What We Do Instead), https://youtu.be/TAF35tAQxh4
The Parenting Mistake That Makes Tantrums Worse: https://youtu.be/I7dE_MOlwXk
Big Little Feelings: https://amzn.to/4uqUuZk
Resources Mentioned
Get 15% Off IQ Bars:https://www.eatiqbar.com/DADICATED15
Skds Formula
Sining Prairie meat sticks
La leche league
Watch the Full Episode
Joe Carr is an entrepreneur, advocate, and passionate educator on fatherhood and partnership. Driven by a desire to provide high-quality, nutrient-dense baby food for his daughter Della, Joe and his wife founded Serenity Kids baby food brand after experiencing their own health transformations through clean eating. Now, alongside his work in revolutionizing baby nutrition, Joe is on a mission to help new dads navigate the transformational journey of fatherhood. Through his podcast and social media platform Dadicated Joe, he shares real, honest conversations about showing up for your children, supporting your partner, and embracing the identity shift that comes with becoming a dad.
👉 Get 15% off your first Serenity Kids order with code: DADICATED15 https://myserenitykids.com/
Jenna Mazzillo is a board-certified behavior analyst, mom of two, and the creator behind ABA Naturally. She brings real behavior science to a challenge I face constantly: how do we help our kids listen, cooperate, regulate, and learn without yelling, bribing, coddling, or sending them away? Plus the science also applies to how we motivate ourselves, our partners, or other adults!
Follow her on Instagram: @abanaturally
